I Aint Forget About You...

But I did forget where I had put my blog notebook. Smh.

...we ain't done yet.

I'm Okay

even though it's been a while since I've been on here, I still haven't stopped writing. The hate & and animosity is starting to die down...I'm okay, I've always had been.

Who Am I* [for the record]

Who am I* - for one, I am not a liar.

I'm misinterpreted...it's as simple as that.


I write here for my readers to take a glimpse into my INSIGHT. I don't anticipate to be understood but I do anticipate being heard. And that is my right, our right. On the other hand, we do not have the right to be taken seriously.

So the provoker gets provoked...

I have the right to interpret it the way I decide to

That doesn't need no interpretation...it's simply Hypocritism* at it's fucking BEST!


all the texts, the emails, the IMs...you don't need much of an imagination to see where this movie is going.

This is what I've become

I'm sitting down in front of the computer screen with a notebook filled with elaborate literature. Now writing was never my type...and well neither is blogging, but for some reason I just can't keep me way from a pen and a notepad. Whatever it is, I know it's not good...especially for you.

I'm drained...* 10/16

All the phone calls, IMs, AIM aways, text messages, emails, the blogs...you made a movie out of me using all of this. Well I hope you're up for some sequels because you're gonna feel this one movies in and I haven't counted your perspective out like how you did to me.

For My buddys on AIM* 10/14

Most of you say I seem different? And keep in mind I haven't spoken nor SEEN most of you in quite some time, yet you've made this analysis based on whatever you "observed" of me on Aim...on AIM?!?! Well are you going to keep making analysis' all your life or will you put your theory to the test.

Don't know how? Well I have an idea...

A provoker is not allowed to be provoked* 10/17

"A provoker is not allowed to be provoked" - that's my curse but hey, who knows more about interchangeable 'circumstances' better than the man that could put the pressure on ya and watch you fold.

Maya S. told me that I can get a pass for provoking people but I can't spazz out when someone does it to me. She's the third girl who's told me that SMH*. But this time I feel that she wasn't just saying that out of what she's seen or experienced from me but for what I am and/or becoming. My mother told is sublimity is for the weark-minded and is used out of mercy. Well sublimity just prolongs the pain...but my bluntness will end it quick.

random feeling with a pen in my hand

Baby girl had me stuck, the way how she shake her hips
She wasn't used to my dick, until I made it fit
She up'd me on my sex drive, now she wants a new one
We both knew each next one'll get better, like I won't cum 'til you cum
A 15 minute shot-clock'll turn one nut to two nuts
I was dealing with a chick that can't even walk with a bubble butt
Sex didn't solve the problems, it it
She never wanted things to get better, she prolonged it
Your heffers weren't happy bout me and you, they all sick
Yeah you have swagger, but mine reinforced it

....now everything I had, she had lost it.

I might go into the film indeustry...

for the past 5 months I've been living in a movie. As elaborate as people say I am with a pen...I can make a modest script with all of the scenes, phone calls, blogs, IMs, emails, text messages that has came my way. *I gotta holla at my lil birdie about this one.

I Got A Movie For You...

I wish hadn't burn three amazing screenplays I wrote. Basically what had inspired me was what I was going through and what I've seen in the last 3 months. It would have been an epic action, suspense, drama, love-hate film....but some of the greatest stories are usually the ones left untold.

think with me*

Living with integrity means:

* Not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships.
* Asking for what you want and need from others.
* Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension.
* Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values.
* Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe.

If you aren't good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you'll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren't even giving to yourself.

-Barbara De Angelis

the soundtrack of our lives

*A Baltimore Love Thing*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEy-lCk0eLc

She loves me, she loves me not
Yeah she loves me not


The fiends need me, I ain't around it, bones ache
Detox, rehab, cold sweat, watch 'em shake
I'm not that genie in a bottle, I'm in a bag
Take one hit, I slide off to the land of the H man
When we first met, I thought you'd never doubt me
Now you tryna leave me, you'll never live without me
Girl, I'm missin' you, come and see me soon
Tie your arm up, put that lighter under that spoon
Now put that needle to ya arm princess, stick it in
Relapse you back bitch, don't ever try that again
All that shit I did for you, I made you feel good
We have a love thing, you treatin' this like its just a fling
What we have is more sacred than a vow or a ring
You broke my heart, you dirty bitch I won't forget what you did
If you give birth, I'll already be in love with your kids
Listen, I don't give a damn if your ass start smokin'
But we have a bond and its not to be broken


We got a love thing, girl you try to leave me
But you need me, can't you see you're addicted to me
We got a love thing, I can take you higher girl
Fuckin' with me, you can be all you can be


Baby you know, on the low your sister be eyein' me
I'm good lookin', so you know, sure she be tryin' me
I heard she bisexual, she fuck with that girl
But boy, oh boy, fuckin' wit me is a whole 'nother world
After that first night, she fall in love, then chased a feelin'
I hung out with Marvin when he wrote "Sexual Healing"
Kurt Cobain even good friends, Ozzy Ozbourne too
I be with rock stars, see you lucky I'm fuckin' with you
I chill with Frankie Lyeman and Jimmy Hendrix crew
See this is new to you, but to me this ain't new
I live a lavished life, listen if the mood is right
Me, you, and your sister can do the do tonight
I never steer you wrong, you're hyper I make ya calm
I be the incentive and reason for you to move forward
Let's make a date, promise me you'll come and see me
Even if it means you have to sell ya mama's TV
I love you, love me back, no one said lovin' me'd be easy


We got a love thing, girl you try to leave me
But you need me, can't you see you're addicted to me
We got a love thing, I can take you higher girl
Fuckin' with me, you can be all you can be


I love you, I got you barefooted on glass, chasin' a dove
That monkey on your back, symbolizes my love
Your friends talk bad about me bitch, you sit there and listen to 'em
Over and over you hurt me, my love is unconditional
They talk to you when you up, you down they got nothin' to say
But when you call, I'll come runnin', I'll always take the pain away
They set you up, to let you down, they crowned you prom queen
Fiddle about me behind your back, they call you a fuckin' fiend
Can we just be alone, so I can kiss and hug you
Push me inside you, no other man can loves you like I do
Call me daddy, I'll make you feel good, I mean real good
I found pleasure in pleasin' you, like a real man should
It was written long before, it was carved in a tree
Forever me and you baby we were meant to be
There's more to life than laughter, what brought us together was fate
And we'll be hand in hand, when you walk through those pearly gates
And to see to that, I'ma do whatever it takes


We got a love thing, girl you try to leave me
But you need me, can't you see you're addicted to me
We got a love thing, I can take you higher girl
Fuckin' with me, you can be all you can be

Deceit?

I can not hate her, although she deceived me
only because I may have deceived myself in the year long process

We are at fault here and they're no turning back
in my eyes you were full of lies then
in your eyes I'm full of lies now
but in the future let's pray that we see the TRUTH*.

think with me*

Life may be just a gigantic novel...you'll need more than a pair of hands to put a close to some chapter


...think about it for a sec

September 27

...was the last time I seen you. I wished to have been doing as good as you were when I saw you but I was on the road to it. Then you struck me in a way where to some point I later crawled onto the cold hard sidewalks, not even praying that I'll get home safe, but praying for all my wrong doings towards you. I finished my prayer with a bloodied cough AMEN, later to wake up 4 hours after a blood transfusion. It's more than difficult to now realize that I'm back where I was month ago except with a hole in my left side and partially mute. But I refuse to feel what I've felt the first time I was down and I been considered to do what you think I'm too "naive " to do. Don't think that you've heard it all before because I haven't told you everything and never will. The damage is already done and it may might as well be damaged beyond repair, I gave up trying to be the bigger person a while ago. I'm not writing this to tell you a story but to tell you
I have just one question to ask Ms. P, I hope to call you soon. You may not believe this but our integrity might be on the line whether you pick up or not...but if you choose not to, then I can't help but assume the answer.


I can make you a movie if you want*

think with me*

Self-introspectiveness is a double edge sword. It's not what we do to get the results we desire, but how we do things that will sit on our minds.

I'm Still Here...

I've written a lot of material over the course of the month, but for now some of it is just gonna stay in a green marble notebook under my bed.

change your act G

High as I lift off, mr. im so fly
Flyin’ to the spur with a nickel 9 close by
Don’t I, flow like the shit that get the boat by,
Never got along with some niggas, wanna know why?
Cant’t rock a scarf with a bandana and a bow tie
D-boy to college boy, no difference
Out her, the srays’ll erase your existence
Easy cuz, lil niggas are taught to mind their business
This means, only the pastor’ll find the witness

just jibberish. doesn't mean anything. unimportant.

I've waited all summer too long to be told "the moment's gone". You hurt me when you told me that. How should I feel? Idk I'm left under the impression that you'll make time for other people but not for me. I went through my 'phase' now and I'm good. Tell me to "chill"....why, so the next guy can step in. Got this feeling in my chest and it can't go away. I'm trying my best to keep a clear mind through this false impressions: haven't tried to see me in a month, don't call, change your look like so I won't recognize you??? This blog sometime like a navigation through my insight...how should I feel?

Arrthythmia

shiit, I'm getting this feeling in my heart again and this time it hurts. School is too much of a breeze and this semester isn't gonna be much a a challenge for me. That just leaves room for me to think and deal with some things going on.

Summer ohNine/Speculation ohNine [top 50 bars]

Did I bore with my full clip stories

Wont wear my chain like its bullshit jewelry.

Top 5 all swagger aside

Im a rare gem magnifed, shotgun the magnum rides

Not one to advertise, better guess right

You know I’ll wear it, see my neck tight?

Removing tears with my left-right

Right or wrong, wrong move got my heart swiped

Stomach’s dead, now my head’s white

Alone n hurt made my pen write this unforgettable insight

No reasonable doubt, it’s a literal invite

Im critical street-wise,

Should have been dead 3 times, see I how to read signs

I know what you said and how you said it

Told me hold on for a minute

Next hour, on anotha line whisperin n gigglin’ it

Like theres a new guy in your life

N ya wont fit me in it

Write a silly Aim away bout me, better regret

100 thous words, verbal insults until you exit

You said you felt my story, but did you respect it?

My word’s real as the ear that comprehends the message

Marked a waste of time, unimportant

Sick in bed, wanted to talk more than I coughed sore

Shit was awkward, cuz I aint seen jessy in years

Im overshadowed, now how can I get rid of the fear

The bigger my stress, the bigger my tears n grey hairs

If she stares then she’ll hear that my eyes can see lies

Half revised n reboren, she advised I stay strong

Been abandoned, heart’s gone, rolled on

No “what’s wrong”?

Went by yall lives like we were all cool

Salute to lisa, cuz she’s only one that came thru

While I felt caged in like a zoo

That why I went all ape n shit

Lone child learns to short smile before he throws a fit

That what Nigel taught before his car flipped

70 mph deathbound is a slow kind

But give me 4 lanes, ill be on time

Already passed a 1000 mile with this flow of mine

Don’t look pass the pain, or you’ll go blind

Mama said aint much left in his coffin

3 hours crying all morning

Would have felt the same way, had if Nigel raped Lauren

Vividly on point like this pen

5 days staring at these pictures, n most of the people in these pictures are dead!

Ya’ think im fussin’ bout nothing

Ask maya, lisa, or jahlissa, same robin just a emotional outburst

Sad cuz our summer is up, expect the next season to be worst

instrumentals: "Flight School" & "So Sincere"